The next time you feel like your life is a hoover, find yourself a French history book and have at it. Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up, and trust me people have tried. Emile Zola wrote 20 novels trying to outdo his countrymen and yet even sharing your first kiss with a lady friend at the bottom of a caved in mine is less mundane than some of the more popular realities. Marie Antoinette, bartered off as a child-bride/baby-factory so that her family and in-laws could refrain from terrorizing each other’s constituency – is later beheaded by said constituency. Napoleon Bonaparte, veritable king of the world, fought off his whole family and a couple sneaky dudes to marry the love of his life, Josephine, only to dump her years later to marry a much younger and more promising uterus. He nearly dies from the guilt after hearing about her death. Bummer. That totally made you feel better about yourself didn’t it? Well, keep it official and snag the likeness of ole’ Napoleon or Marie at Vicious History for $12-17 USD.