Funny T-Shirt Slogans

Funny slogan tees have become immensely popular in today’s world. The canvas of a t-shirt has opened the doors for verbal comics everywhere. I was browsing the internet a few days ago and came across a list of funny t-shirt slogans. After a couple of searches I discovered a bunch of these lists. There are enough funny t-shirt slogans to circle the moon five times.

Here’s our really long list of funny t-shirt slogans, a combination of the many lists on the net and some of our personal favorites.

“Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up”
“Procrastinate Now”
“Rehab Is for Quitters”
“My Dog Can Lick Anyone”
“I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts – Do You Want Fries With That?”
“Party – My Crib – Two A.M.” (on a baby-size shirt)
“Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I’ve Been Doing Since 15″
“West Virginia: One Million People, and 15 last names”
“FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software”

“Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again? “
“A hangover is the wrath of grapes”
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance”
MOOSEHEAD: A great beer and a new experience for a moose”
“Live Bait ”
“He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead”
“Time’s fun when you’re having flies…….Kermit the Frog”
“POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN …. Cops have nothing to go on.”
“FOR SALE: Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once.”

“A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, but it uses up a thousand times the memory.”
“Does your face hurt? Because it’s killing me!”
“Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.”
“HAM AND EGGS – A day’s work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.”
“WELCOME TO KENTUCKY – Set your watch back 20 years.”
“The trouble with life is there’s no background music.”
“Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!”
“The original point-and-click interface was a Smith & Wesson.”

“Computer programmers don’t byte, they nybble a bit.”
“Don’t ask me about my day.”
“MOP AND GLOW – Floor wax used by Three-Mile-Island cleanup team.”
“NyQuil-The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine.”
“Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.”
“My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn’t.”
“Save the trees. Wipe your arse with an owl.”
SNIPER: No Need To Run…You’ll Only Die Tired.
Pain Is Fear Leaving The Body

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My parents told me I could be anything, so I became an ARSE-HOLE!
If at first you don’t succeed, get someone else to do it.
(Seen on a girl’s shirt): Keep staring: I’ve got a clear shot.
Cereal Killer
Just be glad I’m not your kid.
Just because I flirt doesn’t mean I’m interested.
My mom can beat up your dad.
Sorry I missed church. I was performing a human sacrifice.
Caution: Explicit Fu*king Lyrics.
I’m out of bed and dressed, what more do you want?

Love my country – Fear my government
Practice safe sex. Go fu*k yourself!
Just another shi*ty day in paradise.
More Do You Want?”
“If a Man Speaks in a Forest Where No Woman Can Hear, Is He Still Wrong?”
“You’re Just Jealous Because the Little Voices Are Talking to Me”
“Washington D.C. – So Many Monuments, So Little Time”
“I’m Only Wearing Black Until They Make Something Darker”
“I Live in My Own World But It’s OK – They Know Me Here”
“…And You Say Psycho Like It’s a Bad Thing”

“No Outfit Is Complete Without a Little Cat Fur”
“Chaos, Panic, Disorder… My Work Here Is Done”
“I Hear Voices – And They Don’t Like You”
“If Idiots Could Fly, This Place Would Be an Airport”
“On the Eighth Day, God Created Ohio”
“Life’s Too Short to Dance With Ugly Women”
“Dinner Is Ready When the Smoke Alarm Goes Off”
“My Husband Is a Great Lover – He Knows All My Erroneous Zones”
“Never Give the Devil a Ride – He’ll Want to Drive”
“Pray to God but Keep On Rowing Toward Shore”

“Diplomacy Is the Art of Saying ‘Nice Doggie’ Until You Can Find a Rock”
“You Just Gave Me Something to Live for – Revenge!”
“Make It Idiot Proof, and Someone Will Make a Better Idiot”
“Don’t Assume That I Cook”
FRONT: “When Henry Ford Saw My Sweetheart Wearing This Shirt, He Said…” REAR: “Now There’s a Model T!”
“Good Girls Are Bad Girls That Never Get Caught”
“You’re a Naughty Boy – Go to My Room!”
“Now I Know Why Some Animals Eat Their Young!”
“Age and Treachery Will Always Beat Youth and Skill”
“I May Be Wrong”

“God Made Only a Few Great Heads – On the Others, He Put Hair”
“I Have Twins – What’s Your Excuse?”
“Consciousness – That Annoying Time Between Naps”
“Foreign Service Officers Do It in More Places”
“Marriage Has Cured My Fear of Being Alone”
“Bomb Expert – If You See Me Running, Try to Keep Up!”
“Drill ‘Em, Fill ‘Em, Bill ‘Em”
“I Used Up All My Sick Days, So I Called in Dead”
“Support OPEC – Drive an SUV”
“I’m Not Shy – I’m Just Examining My Prey”


“You Non-Conformists Are All Alike”
“Albert Winestein – Drink a Few Glasses and Become a Genius”
“Repent – and Sin Some More”
“I Used to Have a Handle on Life, but It Broke”
“Beauty Is in the Eye of the Beer Holder”
“You Can Always Tell a Harvard Man – but You Can’t Tell Him Much”
“Growing Old Is Mandatory – Growing Up Is Optional”
“My Job Is Secure – Nobody Wants It”
“If All the World’s a Stage, I Want Better Lighting”
“When God Made Me, He Was Just Showing Off”

“Doesn’t Play Well With Others”
“Choose Your Sick Days Carefully”
“Summer in Nags Head, Some Are Not”
“Congratulate Me, I Used to Be Anorexic”
“I’m Too Sexy for My Hair, That’s Why It Isn’t There”
“I Get Enough Exercise Just Pushing My Luck”
“Ran Into My Ex – Put It in Reverse and Hit Him Again!”
“Statistics Means Never Having to Say You’re Certain”
“Got Rid of the Kids, the Cat Was Allergic”
“Where Are We Going? Why Am I in This Handbasket?”

“I Am Not a Pack Rat – I Am a Collector”
“I’m So Great I’m Jealous of Myself”
“I’ve Been on So Many Blind Dates That I Should Get a Free Dog”
“Due to Budget Cuts, the Light at the End of the Tunnel Has Been Cut Off”
“I Wish the Buck Stopped Here – I Could Use a Few”
“Where There’s a Will, I Want to Be in It”
“Yes, Dear” – Charles Roberson of Oakton, who says he bought one for himself before his wife could do it.
“This Is Not the Life I Ordered”
“Clinton/Gore 2004″
“Beer Is Proof That God Loves Us and Wants Us to Be Happy”

“I Am the Only Hell That My Mother Ever Raised”
“My Wild Oats Have Turned to Oat Bran”
“Out of My Mind – Will Be Back Shortly”
“How Long a Minute Is Depends on Which Side of the Bathroom Door You’re On”
“If You Can’t Speak Softly, Just Use the Stick”
“I Married Mr. Right, But I Didn’t Know His First Name Was Always”
“Alimony: A System Whereby Two People Make a Mistake and One of Them Continues to Pay for It”
“What Part of Eelymosynary Ratiocination Do You Not Understand?”
“Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart”
“Shin: A Device for Finding Furniture in the Dark”

“I’m Not Cynical – Just Experienced”
“Today Was a Total Waste of Makeup”
“Do You Want to Talk to the Man in Charge, or to the Woman Who Knows What’s Going On?”
“Stop Following Me – I’m Not a Shoplifter”
“I Didn’t Climb to the Top of the Food Chain to Be a Vegetarian”
“You Have the Right to Remain Silent, So Please Shut Up!”
“Either Find the Time for Exercise or Find the Time to Be Sick”
“Unproductive People Revolve Around the Earth at the Same Speed as Productive People”
“I Know About Stressed – It’s Desserts Spelled Backwards”
“Going Downhill Is Uphill Work”

“I’d Kill for a Nobel Peace Prize”
“What’s the Difference Between In-Laws and Outlaws? Outlaws Are Wanted”
“I Have the Body of a God. Unfortunately the God Is Buddha”
“Places to Go, People to Annoy”
“If a Man Speaks in the Forest and There Is No Woman Around to Hear Him – Is He Still Wrong?”
“Hey, I Already Went to Hell, and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt”
“They Call Me a Feminist Every Time I Say Something That Distinguishes Me From a Doormat”
“I’m a Natural Blonde – Speak Slowly”
“Of Course I Don’t Look Busy – I Did It Right the First Time”
“Damn Straight I’m a College Grad – Paper or Plastic?”

“Army: Be All That You’re Told to Be”
“I Used to Be Schizophrenic, But Now We’re Just Fine”
“Some Days It Just Doesn’t Pay to Chew Through the Leather Restraint Straps”
“Sky Diving – Speed Limit 120 MPH (Not Strictly Enforced)”
(On the front) “I Cannot be Bought” – (On the back) “Inquire About Leasing”
“Those Who Think They Know It All Are an Annoyance To Those of Us Who Do!”
“Guys Have Feelings, Too. But Like, Who Cares?”
“I Can Only Be Nice to One Person Today – Today Is Not Your Day – Tomorrow Doesn’t Look Good, Either”
“All I Ask Is a Chance to Prove That Money Can’t Make Me Happy”
“If You Can’t Beat Them, Arrange to Have Them Beaten”

“I Went Hunting and All I Caught Was a Cold”
“If God Had Meant for Me to Touch My Toes, He Would Have Put Them on My Knees”
“He Who Dies With the Most Toys Wins – But He Still Dies”
“Welcome to Kentucky – Set Your Watch Back 20 Years”
“Practice Safe Food – Use Condiments”
“Five Out of Four People Don’t Understand Fractions”
. “Men and Women Are From Earth – Deal With It”
“I’m Not Fat – I’m Just Fluffy”
“Our Lady of Perpetual Mood Swings”
“I Chose the Road Less Traveled – Now Where the Heck Am I?”

“Yes, It’s Lonely at the Top – But I Eat a Lot Better Than You”
“Hugs Are Fully Returnable”
(Aboard a pregnant woman) “When You’re In Love, It Shows”
“Bless Grandmothers! – They Minimize Our Failures and Magnify Our Successes” –
“Next Time You Think You’re So Smart, Try Walking on Water”
“A Woman Needs Four Animals in Her Life – A Mink on Her Back, a Jaguar in Her Garage, a Tiger in Her Bed and a Jackass to Pay for It All”
“And You’re Telling Me This Because…”
“I’m in Shape – Round Is a Shape”
“Life Is Uncertain – Eat Dessert First”
“Don’t Make Me Put My Hand on My Hip”

“Chaos! Panic! Disorder! My Work Here Is Done!”
(Aboard a mother who was squiring two children around) “Touch Nothing, and Don’t Ask for Anything”
“I Can Fix Anything – Where’s the Duct Tape?”
“Dinner Is Ready When the Smoke Alarm Goes Off”
“Rehab Is for Quitters!”
“I’m Only Wearing Black Until They Find Something Darker”
“If the Right Side of the Brain Governs the Left Side of the Body, Then Left-Handed People Are the Only Ones in Their Right Minds!”
“Body by Beer”
“My Cat Kneads Me”
“America Is a Wonderful Country – Even a C Student Can Become President”


“Dad Knows a Lot, But Grandpa Knows EVERYTHING!”
“From the Desk of Toto: Dear Dorothy – Hate Oz, Took the Shoes, Find Your Own Way Home!”
“Here I Am – Now What Are Your Other Two Wishes?”
“24 Hours in a Day, 24 Beers in a Case – Coincidence?”
“I Don’t Think Much – Therefore, I May Not Be”
“When Your Dreams Turn to Dust, Vacuum”
“God Made a Few Perfect Heads – All the Rest He Covered With Hair”
“I’m from the Nation’s Capital – Nobody’s Perfect”
“Out of Body – Back in Ten Minutes”
“Where There’s a Will… I Want to Be in It”

“Always Remember You’re Unique – Just Like Everyone Else”
“Keep Grandma Off the Streets – Take Her to Bingo”
“Can You Imagine a World Without Men? No Crime, and Lots of Happy, Fat Women”
“In Dog Years, I’m Dead”
(Aboard a toddler) “How’s My Walking? Call 1-800-GOODKID”
“Remember, You Either Find Time to Exercise or You’ll Have to Find Time to Be Sick”
“Don’t Worry, It Only Seems Kinky the First Time”
“The Quickest Way to Double Your Money Is to Fold It in Half and Put It in Your Pocket”
“Before You Criticize Someone, You Should Walk a Mile in Their Shoes – That Way, When You Criticize Them, You’re a Mile Away and You Have a New Pair of Shoes”
“Experience Is Something You Don’t Get Until Just After You Need It”

“I Bent the Rules and the Rules Won”
I childproofed my house, but they still get in.
On the front: 60 is not old. On the back: …If you’re a tree.
I’m still hot. It just comes in flashes.
At my age, “getting lucky” means finding my car in the parking lot.
My reality check just bounced.
Life is short, make fun of it.
I’m not 50. I’m $49.95 plus tax.
Annapolis–A drinking town with a sailing problem.
I need somebody bad. Are you bad?

Physically pffffffft!
Buckle up. It makes it harder for the aliens to snatch you from your car.
I’m not a snob. I’m just better than you are.
It’s my cat’s world. I’m just here to open cans.
Earth is the insane asylum of the universe.
Keep staring….I may do a trick.
We got rid of the kids. The cat was allergic.
Dangerously under-medicated.
My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash, and it’s gone.
Every time I hear the word “exercise”, I wash my mouth out with chocolate.

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